you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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