Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
