Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
