i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
