I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
