C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
