i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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