Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
