well I can't set my house on fire every night
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
