xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
