Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
my being single is dangerous.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
