you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
