She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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