just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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