Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
