i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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