remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
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