I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
