mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
