Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
