Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
