So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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