kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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