I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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