hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It's rum buckets o'clock
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize