I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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