She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
