i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I wish I only lived at night.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
