You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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