I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
