Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
