I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
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My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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