Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
