you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just want nice things and good sex
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
