we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
what day is it and did you see me today?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
