If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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