I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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