Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
