Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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