my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
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i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
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He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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