you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
