im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
