You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
