Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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