ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize