What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
