His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
