I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
