He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
