So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
This is my gift to your gina
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
