i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
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I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
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I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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