you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
