That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
