stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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