I wish I could punch you in the face.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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