god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
